What Can the Rural Church Teach Us About Building Community?

so much...so be humble

For so many reasons we have been losing community as the 21st century unfolds. We’ve been throwing out social structures, replacing them with new ones. The question: Are we building community any better than our grandparents? Someone I know quite well, decided a few years ago, to build community through hosting a running club for women in her city. In less than a year, several women, disgruntled, hived off, starting a new running club. The original club was too serious for them. The commitment was too much. They desired to run less miles and spend more time at the cafe after the runs. (They also wanted to be in control of the organization.) As a fly on the wall, I detected a smidge of mean girl behavior.

Years ago, about 15 adults, who had participated in the same local church, known to be a strong and meaningful community, no longer felt that this community was meeting their needs. They quit the church and started a brunch gathering, each taking turns hosting in their homes. At first, they enjoyed freedom from religious convictions, emphasizing the building of relationships. Less than three years into it, the bickering started. One host, who was a master chef, was accused of “showing off,” and ignoring the dietary restrictions….and preferences of others in the group. The others stopped showing at his home. A woman in the group protested the opening prayer before brunch was served. Another couple dumped the group when they were pressed by others to take their turn hosting.

I know a family who sold their home and took remote jobs to live in a community of like-minded people. They had tired of interacting with those, who held values different than their own. Five years into their utopian adventure, they discovered every kind of dysfunctional behavior imaginable. At great cost they got out - calling it a cult - when it was most likely a selfish experiment.

One of my neighbors, raised in the church, came out an atheist, but missed the community of the church. And so, he started an atheist “church.” Instead of worship services to the glory of God, they sang folk songs and read pithy literature. They shared meals together and dabbled in community service. All of it went south in less than a year. Those involved were too busy for community service. Rifts developed as individuals attempted to take control. More and more participants devalued the corporate meetings, some taking issue with the political messages of the folk songs. My neighbor shut it down, concluding that it is better, as an atheist, to go it alone.

Six years ago, I moved from an urban church community to a rural church community. I was raised in a rural community, but my 35+ years as an ordained minister placed me in an urban setting. I did my part in building community there. Back in a rural community, serving a local congregation, I began to listen and to observe how a small, rural community builds strong and enduring relationships. Here are some of my observations in answer to the question, “What can the rural church teach us about building community?”

#1 = Regularity in Meeting Together: The country mouse is just as busy as the city mouse. That aside, in a small, rural community, there are fewer options for building relationships. Consequently, the rural church still serves the purpose of connecting neighbors in meaningful relationships. This occurs through regular meetings, events, causes, and celebrations. The development of relationships occurs through regular, repeated meetings together.

#2 = Inclusion: It is a misnomer, that the urban community is diverse while the rural community is homogeneous. In a rural community, there is less opportunity to connect only with those, who are “just like you” in every respect. In a rural community, if relationships are to be forged, then every neighbor must be willing to embrace those different than themselves. In my rural community, as small as it is, the following list describes my neighbors: Government workers, ranchers, farmers, ex-cons, LDS, Hispanics, Retirees, Rednecks, Blacks, Pentecostals, Sole Proprietors, Nazarenes, Schizophrenics, Native Americans, Single parents, those on the spectrum, Veterans of Foreign Wars, third-generation welfare, homeless, Chinese, Japanese, Presbyterians, Baptists, Transgender, Gay, Lesbian, inter-sex, queer, Republican, Democrat, Dutch, German, Irish, West African, Basque, Californians and more. Welcome to Idaho! (Nearly all of my neighbors are relatively silent concerning these classifications…until significant relationship building has occurred.)

In a rural community, a neighbor cannot be picky. A rural community does not offer homogeneous pairings when it comes to relationships. There is not sufficient numbers of one group in my long list above, to forge a sub-community of like-minded or like-born individuals. To build community in a rural community, one must embrace those different than themselves. The rural church knows this more than most. We must embrace our neighbors. (Often, I will hear a neighbor say, “That’s just Ted; he’s always bin that way.)

#3 = Lower Expectations: It is true that in a rural community, there is a smaller pool of expertise, accomplishment, cultural refinement, and opportunity. When it comes to building relationships, this means lower expectations. This is a good thing for building community. The stiffer the competition, the fewer opportunities for individuals to contribute. A mediocre musician is a nobody in an urban community, but he/she/they can be a veritable rock star in a rural community. A restaurant owner in a rural community can serve Prime Rib on Fridays and make a living, but in an urban setting, this restaurant owner is up against cauliflower magicians, bartender mixologists, Sushi masters and Vegan Wizards.

In the rural church, someone, who can carry a tune, may lead worship, building community. A pastor, whose rhetorical skills are average, may move people to serve in the name of Jesus, who cares for the poor and those on the fringe. A member of the congregation has a lower expectation of the presentation offered. As long as the aim is to glorify the God, who loves and cares for everyone in the world, the offering is acceptable no matter the level of expertise. (Be humble and embrace the lower expectations of the rural church.) In the rural church, there is less of the putting on of airs.

#4 = Long-term Results: Many grow up in a rural community then move away. Those who remain stay for a lifetime. It is common for three to four generations of a family to live in proximity to one another. Also, it seems to me, that everyone is related to everyone else - at least by marriage, cohabitation, divorce and remarriage. Everyone is a cousin and confused concerning - first cousins, cousins once removed and second cousins. (Gossips tend to step on many toes.)

I have lived in my small town for a mere six years and so, I am still “new.” (It does help to be the minister when it comes to neighbors including and trusting me.) It is easy to be critical of rural communities taking so long to include and trust newcomers. But the positive takeaway is that a rural community knows and values the long-term dedication in building relationships. (My father, who served as a pastor in a small town for 23 years, often told me that in his tenth year, neighbors began to interact with him on a meaningful level.) Lasting relationships are not forged overnight.

#5 = Bond Deeper Than Cultural Preference: The rural church is far from ideal, but it does have its strong points and can offer us guidance and wisdom in building community. Perhaps the most significant lesson concerns the glue that cements its relationships. This relational glue is a bond deeper than cultural preference. The rural church gathers around its belief in a God, who has initiated a relationship with creation, including humanity. The rural church tends to stick close to the written Holy Scriptures. The rural church has the motivation of many familiar eyes nosily observing one’s following Jesus.

A rural church, regardless of its denominational affiliation, customs and traditions, is usually comprised of a diversity of Christians from various backgrounds. It must be a “community” church, welcoming anyone with a pulse. The rural church I serve is Presbyterian, founded in 1898 - 126 years ago. Nevertheless, those who participate come from many church backgrounds with different customs and traditions. So much of what any church does is cultural (though some insist that what they do is “biblical,” and most assuredly “the only right way” to do it.) Honestly, most of what we do is categorized as cultural preferences that “work for us,” without doing any violence to biblical teachings.

To build relationships, we must share a bond deeper than cultural preferences. The cake is the deeper bond. The icing is cultural preference. Few of us with childhood long in the past, prefer to stick our forks into a tub of icing. We prefer to stab at least a bit of cake with the icing.